SPM STRUGGLES 2018

               Assalamualaikum and HELLO again, for this blog I want to talk about my experience as high school students or exactly during my SPM in 2018. First,I’m sorry for the one who will open this page because it’s so long,and I’m known to be “someone who is not good at shorthen stories and tell every little detail about something”.

       Actually, I'm always proud of my result. It's not that I want to brag and  I know that there are more good students and their result is even better than me.It’s just that I know what struggle I went through. I want to share my stories because maybe I  can help them regain their confidence to get what they aim before like from failure to better, My high school principal always said that "IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING" instead of "nothing is impossible".What she said is totally true, if you have passion and dreams, you can totally do it.

             First of all, I want to talk a bit about myself. I came from CONTROLLED SCHOOL or SEKOLAH KAWALAN which is you have to get a minimum of 3A2B in UPSR to get into my school.I got 5A in UPSR with desire to get accepted by MRSM.But untill I finished High school,I never get to become MRSM students🥴😂   Okay here,I want to say even it's controlled school, I think it's just like other normal schools compare to SBP and MRSM.But,after all things that happened in my high school life and now in college,I think it’s such a good thing that I came from my high school.

   

        Actually, up till form 2, I did quite good in high school, maybe because of distraction which is k-pop and Korean drama, I started to feel lazy to study, I even slept late at night, I mean morning like I sleep at 4 a.m to 5 a.m then I woke up at 9a.m to prepare to school. It’s quite tolerable as from form 1 to form 3,I’m in evening session(I mean sesi petang),so I can catch up my sleep but it get worsen in form 4.

        But such a relief I went to tuition center in form 3 and I get 7A 3B IN PT3 in 2016. I quite regret about it, I mean if I study hard back then I could get a better result. But such a relief I can enter pure science or sains tulen cause it's my ambition to take medicine or something like that from 5 years old.I know I have ambition and it requires hard work,but you know that “lazy” and “ignorance”.

           That behaviour did not end until form 4, I hit the bottom, I failed in some subject and it leaves me shocked!!!You know what I create a lot of excuses,saying that it’s hard and blame teachers and the classroom.

You know I got 14% in additional math and sometimes failed in chemistry. Throughout the year in form 4, I did not study hard,rather than regretting about my result, I still play and watch drama n k-pop without feeling guilty to study. I still had a habit of sleep late in the morning and always feel sleepy in class.As from form4 till form5,it’ll be in morning session(sesi pagi). However eventhough I felt sleepy, I did NOT SLEEP IN CLASS!!REMINDER, please do not sleep in front of the teacher despite you do not understand what you are learning right now or you feel sleepy because for me that is so rude and improper behavior in front of your teacher.

     So here is the crisis begin when at the final exam of form 4,I got like 23/27 in my class(In our school we have 3 science class,and it’s arranged based on ranking and I’m in 2nd class).So the things that I’m so afraid is that I will enter 3rd class,you know why maybe because I’m used to being first class from 7 years old or darjah 1,so I’m afraid of going to last class although I knew I did not work hard enough compare to others.

But such a relief,maybe Allah S.W.T want to show me he clearly give me a chance and now it’s me who should work hard from now on.

       So in the early 2018 which is I’m in form5,I quite feel motivated?I did not know but I felt like that,I started to study hard than before until Teacher started to post list about students who should get extra classes.And I’m in it for additional math and chemistry,I know I should not feel ashamed of that,But somehow I got a little depressed about it.And I started to things like ahh I really hit the bottom and that stupid,what happen to me throughout in high school?A lot of things went through my mind that time.But I still work hard.

       I study hard than before but not too much I think?I still get failed in midsem exam in addmath n other subject’s mark did not budge that much but it improved than before.Even it’s just a bit,I think if I keep working hard I can get D instead of F.

      What really changed me in form 5 is my teacher n tuition teacher, in the situation where I felt so dumb and have low self esteem that time, my teacher said “Even you do not feel want to study, think about your parents!   They work hard to pay off our tuition,all fees in school, provide good food, but what actually you do right now?playing and wasting their money?If  you really did not intend to study, just stop going to school. You know what your parents sometimes had to strain themselves from eating good food and always remember about us but you?”,my teacher even did the calculation of how much our parents had use to take care of us,that day,somehow I felt empty and guilty all day.The imagination of my parents are working hard keep playing in my mind that day up till right now whenever I keep slacking off from study.

       After that day,I started to reduce all korean drama and kpop and all related things,even If I had to relieve stress I just watch it at television instead why?because I know that somehow at certain time I have to stop because my parents will watch television.I do not say that I left kpop completely it’s just that I reduced it from 100% to 10%,plus in form 5,I had much homework than before.

        So here my story of working hard to get a good results in SPM.

          My schedule will be like from 7 am to 1pm is class in school then from 2pm to 3:30 pm is an extra class.

Sometimes it can be extended to 4pm. My school is from Sunday to Thursday and I have tuition on Tuesday and Friday. So at night, I have to complete my homework and I started to sleep early than before at least 1 pm is the latest. If I finished my hw early, I will study topic form 4 which I completely left back then🥴and as I lack in subject additional math and chemistry, I focus more on this subject and do some notes and exercises and for my tuition in Friday, it starts at 10:30 am to 4:30 pm includes rest and all that.And that night I will complete the homework. So basically Saturday is my rest day, but actually not😂Because it’s impossible things because I had bunches of homework. So this schedule keep going on until I had SPM.and tuition for Tuesday is from 8pm until 11 pm. At weekdays in the early year, I had to practice for netball which then why I do not have much time back then.

       And my hard work pays off a little by little? My ranking gets better and what important is that I get D to add maths in half-year😂better than fail okay!! and I got 17 or 16 in ranking I think. 

        So here what is important is like two months before my trial SPM, somehow I always woke up early than always like back then I will get up at 6:15am to prepare for school but this time I got up at 4-4:30 am. And somehow I cannot continue to sleep so I start to study. I do not know if it’s my feelings or what, It went smoothly!I can memorize it faster than usual.

      So trial is around the corner, I also learnt to study early than before,like one weeks before at least I understand all the subjects and theories or the worsen is that I study 2-3 days before.Idk how but somehow while seating for trial I'm rather feel calm than before and confidence and I even answer all question in the paper 2 where we have to choose 5 best I think. And as I always study one day before exam in the past,I always felt nervous and even study a few minutes before taking exams and did not even bother to discuss with my friends because I did not even have study that much compared to them.

 But in the trial,I even chatting with my friends  before exam and do quiz before exams.

What actually surprise me more,2-3 days before Biology trial exam, my family and me went to vacation at Pulau Tioman.So,I had to pack my books along with clothes.I remembered that I tried to not be to active so that I can save energy to study at night.I even woke up at 4 am on that vacation day because I tend to study in very quiet situation,even the tiniest voice can make me lose focus.So I always scolded my brothers when I study at night.HAHAHHAHA the power of being ELDEST DAUGHTER.I had fun at Pulau Tioman but what bring me down was my phone had water damage!!masuk air lahhhh.So I had to live without phone for a few days!!!

  So I had to use my old phone which always hangggg,so the fun had really out in my life..But to think back,I was really lucky!!!I had remove the distraction in my life!